Previously unbounded

Since my writing has been dormant for a little while, aside from some working drafts, I've found myself going through some old stuff. Tonight I've found myself floating back to some stuff I used to write at work a couple of years back when I used to come in and just start typing whatever was on my mind, non-stop for a good five to ten minutes...I'd usually stop the moment I started contemplating...anyway, most of it is crap in terms of content and style, but I wanted to share one...

I can only be who I am and do what I know. And what I know is that I’m beat down and discouraged. I also know I need to find a way around it. It’s my ever-eternal question of whether or not I am cut-out for everyday corporate life. And I spend too much time stewing over it instead of working towards fixing it. What good is dwelling on something that makes you so overtly discouraged? Why not taken a situation and turn it around. I sometimes realize my life is nothing more than a series of cliché’s. Work life that is….maybe home life as well, but I like owning a home. I like building things. I like the satisfaction of coming home and seeing something you’ve built sprawling before as an instant acknowledgment of achievement. You don’t get that in corporate life…and I don’t get it here. I should be doing work, yet I sit and type here, looking for a certain solace to get me through he day…or simply just buying more time away from doing work. Am I truly afraid of work..AM I lazy…I don’t think so…I’ve worked my ass off in the past, but I have to be motivated. Doesn’t everyone? Are you not a better more effective person if you can see the goals and perspective rewards in the end? Even my taste might be off…this Kit-Kat tastes strangely of Halloweens long gone, but I’ll eat the other half. After all, it’s changing my taste, washing away the cheese and cracker and replacing it with sweet. And that may just be it…needing to change the flavor of my work. Needing to nail down what it is I want to do. And I want it to happen tomorrow. Another flaw of mine…impatience, the need and desire to have my life changed tomorrow. And that could happen, perhaps not in a way I want. A bunch of event tied together loosely by a decision made here and there…fate, determining an outlook that is not so much to be determined by myself. A quick sip and I carry on…would life be less rewarding if you didn’t have to muck through the shit to get to the good parts. I can’t see how it would be….enjoying pleasure all the time…you may become jaded and perhaps even bored…but happy, content in the ability to move at your own pace, doing your own thing. I never much thought of a career as truth. I still don’t to an extent. I long for and remember the college days well…life was simple then…will simple then looking back. Which begs even further…six, seven, years from now…will I look back on this as being much simpler? If I do, then I shall be so inclined to assume that things may never be as simple as worrying about learning to throw a wiffle ball?

Are you have it...some nonsensical ramblings from a couple of ye
ars ago...