The grass is always greener...

Money is the root of all evil. Another day, another dollar. Money can't buy happiness. Greed kills. It's never really been about the money for me because, afterall, it can't buy happiness. Still, these are the cliches that have been running through my mind lately. It all stems from not getting the raise I expected at work.

I've changed jobs four times in my real world life having once made a lateral move and more recently, taken a pay cut. It wasn't too important to me when taking this job because I was unemployed at the time and also looking to find a working environment that was more laid back than my previous one. Besides, the prospect of getting a free education seemed to outweigh the pay cut at the time. That has all changed.

My work has been nothing short of brilliant in the eight months I've been at my current job, at least, according to my review. My boss put in for a significant pay increase on my behalf, telling me she would like to see me get up to the salary I was making at my last job. The actuality of the raise fell far short of this. In fact, it amounted to nothing more than a cost of living increase. I realize this is the nature of the non-profit world and my boss has petitioned the powers that be for a supplemental increase on my behalf. But judging on how slow things move at this institution, it is going to take months for it to happen, if it happens at all. So, I've found myself debating my future.

There are a lot of perks to working where I am. The summer hours and the freedom being the most prominent. But, there is little leadership and I am left to my devices to create work for myself. And while this is a definitive perk, I'm starting to realize I am not very effective when left to my own devices. I need to be busy at all times. I need deadlines. And most importantly, I need/want to be part of building strategic plans and then implementing them.

So, I'm starting to contemplate a return to the for-profit world. I can't belief I just typed that because of my well-documented hatred of my last job (or pretty much any post there from Jan-June of '03). But, I'm pretty sure it had more to do with my co-workers than anything else. I made the mistake today of looking up what someone with my experience could expect to make in the for-profit world and discovered I am making about $35K below the median.

Fueling my urgency is my impending fatherhood. Kids aren't cheap and I currently feel like we are still living from paycheck to paycheck. I'm leary about making the move back to the corporate world, but I'm not exactly sure why. Part of me thinks it's the long hours, but lord knows I've put in some long hours in my current position. Plus, I'm on-call at times...and I really do not make enough money to be at the mercy of a pager. I think the job hunt is about to rev-up again.

The good news is that I am in a good position to began looking and not coming to front he ranks of the unemployed. It means I can take my time. Something has never felt right about this job since day one. I chalked it up to being new, but with eight months gone, I've still got the feeling. There has been too much uncertainty because we have been without a director pretty much since I've been there. I'm not sure what it is with me and having the bosses that hire me move into different departments shortly after I arrive. But, its now happened in my last three positions.

Still, the uncertainty is doing me more harm than good. My natural cynicism is creeping more and more into my daily work and I fear I'm just being too negative about things. The summertime isn't helping either, causing a lack of focus at work and with my writing. I realize this is about to turn into one of the many pep talks I've so often given myself. I've made it a goal over a year ago to deal with change better, a gol I feel I've met. Now, I need to take the next step toward initiating change myself. Because if I don't, I'm going to find a few years have got behind me and I'll still be sitting in the spot.

I should also mention that x-factor that compounds this choice is the fact there is potential for me to move up. But, in order to do so, I'm going to need to establish a good rapport with the new director (if they ever get hired) and I'm going to need my current boss to leave. Those situation could work out and I could also get the raise I am looking for. Until then, I know I can't sit idly by. Testing the waters never hurts.

AS for why the free education thing sounds a bit better on paper than practice? Well, it would take approximately three to four years for me to get a masters going part-time on top of work and a new baby. Add it the fact that I would want to become a teacher and we're dealing with the money factor again. Maybe I'm lazy or maybe the working world just doesn't agree with me, or me with it. I know, the glass is always half-empty for me.