The Eve

I'm anxious. The thought of chemo running through my veins frightens me. Nothing can make you second guess a decision moreso than when your doctor is letting you know each of the four drugs you're about to consume can be toxic to your heart, lungs, and nervous system. Well, now that we have all of the important stuff covered...

Everyone has their own story, whether it be personal or through tales of tales. In the end, and I think anyone who has gone through something like this will agree, it doesn't matter. Sure, you can tell me one person you knew had cancer went through chemo and now wrestles lions on a daily basis. While it fills the need to talk about something I can't say it makes me feel any better about poison flowing through my viens. Yeah yeah I know every rose has its thorn - and it looks like I've been pricked.

I hope to conquer this disease through strength of mind and body. I think it is equally as important to have a strong body as it is to have a positive mind. One can't run as smoothly without the other. So, I hope to obtain that perfect balance I need to make this cancer disappear and disappear forever - at least that's what I keep telling myself. :)

I have 10/19/96 on in the background. I'm rambling now.... I initially put in 12/14/95 because it was sitting on my desk and I was thinking Phish makes me smile so lets throw them in. Then I figured I should find 10/19/96 because it was my first show and I love the memories associated with that night. As I sit here and listen to Page finger through Slave I'm feeling this weird association to the 8 year journey I had no idea I was about to get myself into that night to the unknown journey I'm about to climb into tomorrow. The former had it's ups and downs, it's pains and pleasures, so will the latter. The trials and tribulations I went through during 8 years of traveling with Phish only brought me closer to an unbelievable amount of people; so will my battle with cancer.

Unlike Phish, there'll be no hiatus, no last weekend retreat for me. This is going to be a life long battle which could end me back up in the knee-high mud pits of Vermont if I take my eye off of it. Damn this Slave is ripping.

So, while you're sipping on your coffee tomorrow morning give a thought to Medical Record # 43-19-89. It's going to be an interesting day to say the least. It's the coolest thing in the world to know I have so many people behind me.

Thanks y'all.

T