Lady Justice

Whenever my dad asked me what I wanted for a law school graduation present I told him I wanted a purple leather briefcase or a life-sized Lady Justice statue.

In case you don’t already know, Lady Justice is fucking awesome. She stands on a rock while thinking about justice. Her right foot supports her while her left foot smashes a snake on top of a book about justice. Her right hand holds a sword to show the true power of judicial authority, but also so she can stab people and snakes that try to obstruct justice. In her left hand are the scales of justice used for balancing and weighing pros and cons, rights and wrongs, sometimes one wrong against another wrong, and even punishment against a wrong. Most importantly, Lady Justice is blindfolded to show that justice is not subject to influence. So if you ever try to bribe Lady Justice, you’ll have to whisper in her ear and wave the money under her nose because she certainly won’t see you winking while pointing to the satchel of cash. She is draped in robes and cloth and sometimes has a fancy decorative breast plate taboot. She’s like a superhero... of justice.

Lady Justice is known primarily as ancient Greek goddess Themis, but some of her current features also come from Themis’s daughter Dike, and also the Roman goddess Justicia. Themis was a badass, of course, and was said to have been the "organizer of assemblies". She appears in the book Homer three times, each time to restore some "order or control over gatherings." Dike was actually not a goddess of justice, but not divine justice, and instead of a sword she held a staff. She was in charge of apportionment of things among mortals, protecting individuals, and restoring social and political order. Her features included thunderbolts since she was daughter of Themis and Zeus. Therefore, if you asked Dike "Who’s your daddy?", she would have to answer "Zeus", just like basically every other god or goddess in existence at the time. Last of all, the Roman goddess Justicia was a virgin forced to live among the sinning mortals until it became too much for her and she had to take flight and became the constellation Virgo. Our modern Western court houses and law offices hosting Lady Justice statues are depicting Justicia with her sword and the scales of justice, stepping on the snake and subsequently smashing its neck into a book, standing on one foot, wrapped in a bunch of cloth, all while blindfolded. Told you she’s fucking awesome.

Anyway. When my dad asked me what I wanted for 2324=468=836=XROQDF>2323873;:773:ot1lsi">graduation, I told him I didn’t want a briefcase even though I should probably have one for court and even though that’s what my Boppa bought him for his law school graduation. It would probably hurt my shoulder regardless of whether it was a handle or a strap. I need to be balanced which is why I like my backpack – even though I do look like such a student, especially when I have the waist strap buckled, or when I knock someone over by turning too quickly on the bus. I knew I should have something more grown up and it had to be something that can hold my laptop. So my dad commissioned Henry Tomkins to make me the sickest laptop backpack ever. It’s both purple and professional, plus it holds my laptop and has great pockets.

So here she is, Lady Justice, the best gift I have ever gotten. Symbolizing fair and equal administration of the law, fair and equal distribution between the left shoulder and the right. Thank goddess I’m not blindfolded so I can see how purple it is.