I’ve been reading a lot of the reviews about Trey’s new band and it seems the consensus from most is that he putting forth different, lyrically driven material that falls pretty flat. It seems most feel as if his desire to end Phish was fueled by a desire to try new material that the constraints of Phish weren’t allowing him to accomplish. And if you believe what you read, not only is this not the case, but Trey is a man in limbo. The prevailing opinion on all of this seems to be that he has gone soft. Maybe he has, but I’m not sure that I can fault him for it nor if I actually care.
I haven’t heard a lick Trey’s new band and don’t really have a desire to seek any of it out. If it crosses my path, then of course, I’ll listen to it. But until then, I’ll reserve my opinion on the actual music. What I will opine on whether or not it might be okay for him to try something different, to not be afraid to fail. Trey took a huge step in disbanding Phish, whether or not it was a brave step or showed a complete lack of balls is the big debate. What I do know is change is never easy and it takes a giant leap of faith to leave something so comfortable to explore new things.
Change is something I have ever been good at dealing with and too often in my life, I’ve chosen to stay on the familiar path because it was easy. I made a conscious decision when Phish went on hiatus to try and not only accept change better, but to actually make it happen. And I’ve made a lot, no more so than becoming a father recently. The birth of my son five months ago turned my world upside down. Sure, people always talk about how having kids will change your life forever, but you can’t even begin to fathom how significant that change is until you dealing with it. It’s been hard. And by no means am I in a position to say I’ve got a handle on things, because there is something new to deal with everyday. I’ve also realized that to best adapt to, I can’t even begin to think about how everything going forward from hear on out is going to be a new experience.
The strangest part of all of this is that while things are obviously completely different because I know am responsible for providing for the sweetest little thing that can not survive without out me, most everything and everyone else around me is still the same. I’ve dealt best by trying to understand that life before child is gone and a whole new life is beginning. It's something I now cherish.
There was a time when I though I never wanted to have children. I used to bemoan being in a room with parents who could talk nothing about the latest coo sound from their baby or the frequency, not to mention consistency of their baby’s poop. I wonder how any of this stuff could be of remote possible interest. I get that now.
One of my biggest problems has always been living in the past, always comparing the present tense to past events and often coming-up with negative feelings toward what was going on in front of me. Not to state the obvious, but I was missing the pleasant sense of the present tense. The past is meant to be just that and by dwelling on it, I’ve come to realize that I was missing looking forward to what was in front of me. You can’t relive the beauty that was Atlanta in ’99, you can only cherish the memories and look forward to more. It’s taken me 30-plus years to realize it, but life is about change. It has been a true revelation for me, but it hasn’t made it any easier to deal with at times.
Applying this to people in my life has been the toughest part to with which to deal. And in this vain, never has The Beatles “In My Life” made more sense to me. It’s a song that is alive with imagery about the people who have touched your life who have come and gone that has somehow been watered-down by an overuse at seminal events like weddings. I used it at mine. But recently, I’ve found some understanding in the song’s lyrics.
There was the old cook from the restaurant I worked at in seven years ago and the friend from college I ran into at a Pearl Jam this fall. More recently it was an old friend from my summer bartending days that I ran into at a Patriots game. Inevitably, these encounters are met with great joy and an exchange of phone numbers. Of course, no one ever calls the other one. It got me thinking in the context of “In my Life.” Do people really have their places and their moments?
The many past friends whom I’ve shared so many lasting memories with always cross my mind from time to time. I guess it makes it a bit odd when I run into them long after the past. The encounters are always welcome, but do we do it with homage to the past knowing full-well that the exchanges of numbers will never lead to a call. There are no doubt a myriad of reasons behind this and for the longest time, I often wondered if the fact I never called any of these people back after the encounter spoke poorly about my responsibilities as a friend. But, I’ve realized people do have their places. We remember these people for who they were and what our relationship with them was at a certain point in time. Chances are, we might not have the same connection in present, so we choose to hang on to memories and the oft chance to rekindle past fun. It doesn’t mean these people aren’t friends anymore, it just means things, and we, have changes.
So what does this have to do with Trey? Not much, I’m just speculating on how some of his recent decisions might apply to my life. I can’t fault him for doing what he did and by no means am I upset the Phish is done nor could I care less if the music he is putting out today sounds like crap. To me, it’s just another lesson in learning to accept and deal with change. And for some strange reason, the following Rush lyrics just popped in my head:
Emotional feedback on timeless wavelength
Bearing a gift beyond price, almost free
All this machinery making modern music
Can still be open hearted
Not so coldly charted
It's really just a question of your honesty,
Your honesty
One likes to believe in the freedom of music
But glittering prizes and endless compromises
Shatter the illusion of integrityI’m not quite sure what those have to do with anything, but in any event, that’s all I’ve got. Be well.
